Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize