Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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