I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
