Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
