New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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