tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
