this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
