i permit you to call me
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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