I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Randomize
