Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
