Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize