Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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