Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
