you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
