Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
