so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize