i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
