i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize
