you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
