she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
