In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
