I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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