We named our party play list daddy issues
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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