how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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