I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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