3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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