someone get that fucking seahorse.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
We got so high we made milksteak
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
being pregnant is like rehab
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
