So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
