Too much gin, very little bucket
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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