if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
