Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You took a bar mat shot.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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