Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
