The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize