You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
someone owes me an orgasm
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
