I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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