how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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