i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
