I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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