Me. At least after what I've been through.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I said "one day" and that day is not today
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize