My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
