I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
