i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
