playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
