i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
