real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
