champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
