my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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