Your dad touched me again.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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