I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
