There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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