I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
