His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
