Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
