I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
