I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
My balls are so social today.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
