Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Randomize
