jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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