You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She even gives head with a lisp.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
