please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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