So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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