Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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