No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize