The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
