I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
