I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
