I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
