it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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