You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
