i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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