I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
