TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
