The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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