Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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