The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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