I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
