i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
