we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
