The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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