Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
be right there i have to get my cape
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize