Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
