I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
