so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize