Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
