i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
