I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize