I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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