I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
