If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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