my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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