We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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