Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
