So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
