New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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