hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
