is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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