Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
