I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
