can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
