if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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