I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
