i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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