It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
