He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
