we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
