we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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