im drinking this country out of the recession.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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