Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
FUCK WHALES
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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