I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
