You're my little dorito
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
