I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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