In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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