Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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